Living a Dream

I'm 25 years old, which means that I was about six weeks old when Licensed to Ill came out in mid-November, 1986. My brothers listened to the Beastie Boys when I was growing up, which basically meant that I listened to them. It wasn't their favorite music, but they were definitely fans. I didn't really know much, but I know that by the time I was 10 or so, I really loved screaming to "fight for your right" and watching the insane video for "sabotage." I knew that there was something inherently fun about whatever songs they were singing because there were three of them singing over each other, yet somehow alongside each other. Suffice it to say, I was aware of them. And then Hello Nasty came out in '98. It blew my mind. I don't know if it was because I'd caught up with them a little in age and was now verging on 12 (by this I mean that it had been four years since their previous album which I was far too young to feel any real grasp of what

Alright. This is going to get emotional, y'all. Get your tissues. This post is because my brother and sister-in-law are about to have their 2nd child. If we're friends on facebook, you've seen that my profile picture has been some incarnation of myself and their first child for the entire duration of her almost 3-year-long life. Simply, I love that child. But there's another one coming. I'm having that fear that I've been told parents have. The one thing I know for sure is how much I love the kid who already exists, and I don't know if I have the room in my emotional spectrum to unconditionally love another human the way I love the current one. I mean, I'm sure I will. How could I not, right? How could I not love something that's a sibling to this kid? As it stands now, I spend my time in Chicago and fielding questions from people back home about whether or not I'd ever move to NYC or LA (because they clearly know that I'm just...on

This isn't going to be my nicest post. It's not going to feel good to some of you. But you know what? I'm writing this for me, so you can blow me. I'm in a funk. I don't know exactly how to get out of it, but I know that I'm upset with myself about certain things and people that I've been letting get to me lately. I don't like to be wrong, but this isn't even on that level. I've been thinking a lot about what I'm actually doing. I love making people laugh, that hasn't changed. I love writing, but I know I don't do it often enough. I know that I need a job where I can afford to continue to do the things that make me happy. These are essentially all of the things that I know about me. Yet sometimes I find myself thinking about things. Maybe I should have just taken the classic college route. Maybe I should have majored in business or communication, met a bunch of people who seamlessly blend into the same person (not that comedy-wan