Skip to main content

I Already Apologize

This isn't going to be my nicest post. It's not going to feel good to some of you. But you know what? I'm writing this for me, so you can blow me.
I'm in a funk. I don't know exactly how to get out of it, but I know that I'm upset with myself about certain things and people that I've been letting get to me lately. I don't like to be wrong, but this isn't even on that level. I've been thinking a lot about what I'm actually doing.
I love making people laugh, that hasn't changed. I love writing, but I know I don't do it often enough. I know that I need a job where I can afford to continue to do the things that make me happy. These are essentially all of the things that I know about me.
Yet sometimes I find myself thinking about things.

Maybe I should have just taken the classic college route. Maybe I should have majored in business or communication, met a bunch of people who seamlessly blend into the same person (not that comedy-wannabes like me are different from each other), use those connections to set up some interviews in various positions that mean nothing to the rest of the world, and gotten a job within three months after graduation. It'd probably be a cushy job too. I'd make a hell of a lot more money than I'm making right now, and I'd probably have to do long hours. I would get by, and I'd mentally be a different person than I am now. I don't have a single idea what my friends who have Business degrees do at their jobs. I don't understand it at all. I know that people in sales do sales, I know that people in marketing (loosely) do marketing, I know that people who are in medical/legal professions do that stuff, I know that mechanics to mechanic-work, but I don't know what the hell businesspeople do. I know that they get jobs because everything has to do with business. I know that people with writing degrees get approximately dick, and that sucks.
So where does that leave me?
I don't know. I continue to write sometimes and I know that this makes me feel better to actually put something on (virtual) paper and get it out into the world. I know that I can put this on Facebook and Twitter and get 100 people to read it - maybe one of them will make some comment about it or maybe they won't. It'll make me feel good for a minute that they actually thought something on their own rather than being told what to think by someone/something that's going on elsewhere, but I don't know if it will change anything. I'll still be desperately searching to find some way to justify that I'm going after this dream of mine and basically getting shit on by some of the more consequential things in life. Things like, you know, rent, utilities, and the thousands of dollars I owe for a piece of paper that got me zero jobs for almost two years after I received it.
If you're one of my comedy-friends and reading this, there's a chance that you're in the same boat. I'll save you an oar.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Excitement

Alright. This is going to get emotional, y'all. Get your tissues. This post is because my brother and sister-in-law are about to have their 2nd child. If we're friends on facebook, you've seen that my profile picture has been some incarnation of myself and their first child for the entire duration of her almost 3-year-long life. Simply, I love that child. But there's another one coming. I'm having that fear that I've been told parents have. The one thing I know for sure is how much I love the kid who already exists, and I don't know if I have the room in my emotional spectrum to unconditionally love another human the way I love the current one. I mean, I'm sure I will. How could I not, right? How could I not love something that's a sibling to this kid? As it stands now, I spend my time in Chicago and fielding questions from people back home about whether or not I'd ever move to NYC or LA (because they clearly know that I'm just...on ...
Post a Comment
Read more

How do you pick a place?

Traveling is good. Traveling does things to you that staying in one place cannot. But traveling poses one of the most difficult questions that a person can be faced with: Where do you want to go? Most people have a list of places that they'd like to go. Depending on your station in life, that list might include Paris, Tokyo, Disney World, Bora Bora, or Branson, Missouri - all of which are fine choices, if given the right set of circumstances. But that list is probably longer than one place, and you're almost certainly not spending an unlimited amount of time in whichever place you choose, so how you do decide where to go and what to do while you're there? The truth is that it's hard. I'm lucky, I know it. I've been a lot of places - more places than were originally on my "I have to go there before I die" list, if I'm being honest. And yet, I still want to go places. Every time one place gets crossed off the list, another place gets added. Wh...
Post a Comment
Read more

Being a Real Boy (or teacher, I guess)

Have you guys ever read The Odyssey? You probably have. It's long, Greek, and there are about 75000 names used in it over the course of seemingly a thousand pages. You might also remember it for things like Calypso, a whirlpool, Polyphemus the cyclops, Sirens, and various people being murdered for various things, not to mention the tail-end of the Trojan War being recounted within its pages. The reason it might sound familiar but not-that-familiar is that most people seem to be reading this book between the ages of about 12 and 16. This is one of the most loaded books in the history of ever, and it's complicated enough just to follow the plot (Homer, the author, invented the concept of in medias res , where the story begins in the middle and jumps around a bit through flashbacks and such, a style now known as "The Tarantino" or as "the way that one guy makes those weird movies with lots of violence"), let alone follow all the names involved, the historical...
Post a Comment
Read more