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I Already Apologize

This isn't going to be my nicest post. It's not going to feel good to some of you. But you know what? I'm writing this for me, so you can blow me.
I'm in a funk. I don't know exactly how to get out of it, but I know that I'm upset with myself about certain things and people that I've been letting get to me lately. I don't like to be wrong, but this isn't even on that level. I've been thinking a lot about what I'm actually doing.
I love making people laugh, that hasn't changed. I love writing, but I know I don't do it often enough. I know that I need a job where I can afford to continue to do the things that make me happy. These are essentially all of the things that I know about me.
Yet sometimes I find myself thinking about things.

Maybe I should have just taken the classic college route. Maybe I should have majored in business or communication, met a bunch of people who seamlessly blend into the same person (not that comedy-wannabes like me are different from each other), use those connections to set up some interviews in various positions that mean nothing to the rest of the world, and gotten a job within three months after graduation. It'd probably be a cushy job too. I'd make a hell of a lot more money than I'm making right now, and I'd probably have to do long hours. I would get by, and I'd mentally be a different person than I am now. I don't have a single idea what my friends who have Business degrees do at their jobs. I don't understand it at all. I know that people in sales do sales, I know that people in marketing (loosely) do marketing, I know that people who are in medical/legal professions do that stuff, I know that mechanics to mechanic-work, but I don't know what the hell businesspeople do. I know that they get jobs because everything has to do with business. I know that people with writing degrees get approximately dick, and that sucks.
So where does that leave me?
I don't know. I continue to write sometimes and I know that this makes me feel better to actually put something on (virtual) paper and get it out into the world. I know that I can put this on Facebook and Twitter and get 100 people to read it - maybe one of them will make some comment about it or maybe they won't. It'll make me feel good for a minute that they actually thought something on their own rather than being told what to think by someone/something that's going on elsewhere, but I don't know if it will change anything. I'll still be desperately searching to find some way to justify that I'm going after this dream of mine and basically getting shit on by some of the more consequential things in life. Things like, you know, rent, utilities, and the thousands of dollars I owe for a piece of paper that got me zero jobs for almost two years after I received it.
If you're one of my comedy-friends and reading this, there's a chance that you're in the same boat. I'll save you an oar.

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