I don't have a lot of tangible fears.
I'm not trying to be a tough guy, but I don't have legitimate phobias or anything like that. In fact, I'm not a tough guy, I just don't think I have a lot of tangible fears.
But now and then one will come to mind - and it just did about eight seconds ago - for no good reason
I am terrified that all my dreams will come true and I will feel more isolated than ever.
If you know me really well, you might know that I dabble in depression-related thoughts now and then - you could say "light depression," not unlike "light treason." Sometimes it's actually depressing, sometimes it's looking at depressing things when I feel fine to see how I might remedy them if I'm actually down in the dumps.
Point is, for myriad reasons, I have moments where I feel totally isolated, as I imagine most anyone does. But I was watching Parks and Rec a few minutes ago and thinking about how much I'd love to be on a show like that, blah blah blah.
And then I thought...wait a minute...would that actually change anything? Would I actually feel any differently about myself? Does other people's opinion of you actually matter in how you feel about yourself?
Initially, no, it shouldn't. I believe that the only person you need to see smiling at the end of the day is yourself. You're essentially in control of your own happiness, but there's no denying that the people around you strongly affect your mood: if someone around you is making you smile, or if you're making someone around you smile...that's pretty damn good too.
But on the other hand, it's horrifying to think that I could be blindly chasing this thing that I want to feel/achieve/do, and then I could get there and it's nothing like I imagined. I know I'm far from the first person to toy with these emotions and feelings and goodness knows I'll be far from the last (but not that far, heyoh 2012!). But there are numerous stories of people who "made it" and then had to get out because it wasn't what they wanted. And really, there are probably a hell of a lot more of those than we realize.
How many professions that don't include celebrity status have that effect? Are there a high percentage of reclusive teachers? People who wanted to do nothing but teach for the first 22 years of their lives and then realize it's not all it's cracked up to be? (no, they go do something else because they're young.)
But this fear...what if I'm running toward a brick wall of disappointment? What if the whole reason that I want to be a star is because I'm not-so-secretly insecure a lot of times and want validation? What if this is all just one misguided attempt at something that I think I want because I don't know what else there is??
But what if I make it...and it's everything I ever imagined it could be?
(In other, aka big, news this week, we got a show proposal accepted by one of the smaller theaters at Second City and will have a 35ish minute sketch comedy show running this summer! Details on that later as it doesn't really fit the theme of this post.)
I'm not trying to be a tough guy, but I don't have legitimate phobias or anything like that. In fact, I'm not a tough guy, I just don't think I have a lot of tangible fears.
But now and then one will come to mind - and it just did about eight seconds ago - for no good reason
I am terrified that all my dreams will come true and I will feel more isolated than ever.
If you know me really well, you might know that I dabble in depression-related thoughts now and then - you could say "light depression," not unlike "light treason." Sometimes it's actually depressing, sometimes it's looking at depressing things when I feel fine to see how I might remedy them if I'm actually down in the dumps.
Point is, for myriad reasons, I have moments where I feel totally isolated, as I imagine most anyone does. But I was watching Parks and Rec a few minutes ago and thinking about how much I'd love to be on a show like that, blah blah blah.
And then I thought...wait a minute...would that actually change anything? Would I actually feel any differently about myself? Does other people's opinion of you actually matter in how you feel about yourself?
Initially, no, it shouldn't. I believe that the only person you need to see smiling at the end of the day is yourself. You're essentially in control of your own happiness, but there's no denying that the people around you strongly affect your mood: if someone around you is making you smile, or if you're making someone around you smile...that's pretty damn good too.
But on the other hand, it's horrifying to think that I could be blindly chasing this thing that I want to feel/achieve/do, and then I could get there and it's nothing like I imagined. I know I'm far from the first person to toy with these emotions and feelings and goodness knows I'll be far from the last (but not that far, heyoh 2012!). But there are numerous stories of people who "made it" and then had to get out because it wasn't what they wanted. And really, there are probably a hell of a lot more of those than we realize.
How many professions that don't include celebrity status have that effect? Are there a high percentage of reclusive teachers? People who wanted to do nothing but teach for the first 22 years of their lives and then realize it's not all it's cracked up to be? (no, they go do something else because they're young.)
But this fear...what if I'm running toward a brick wall of disappointment? What if the whole reason that I want to be a star is because I'm not-so-secretly insecure a lot of times and want validation? What if this is all just one misguided attempt at something that I think I want because I don't know what else there is??
But what if I make it...and it's everything I ever imagined it could be?
(In other, aka big, news this week, we got a show proposal accepted by one of the smaller theaters at Second City and will have a 35ish minute sketch comedy show running this summer! Details on that later as it doesn't really fit the theme of this post.)
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