Alright. This is going to get emotional, y'all. Get your tissues.
This post is because my brother and sister-in-law are about to have their 2nd child. If we're friends on facebook, you've seen that my profile picture has been some incarnation of myself and their first child for the entire duration of her almost 3-year-long life. Simply, I love that child.
But there's another one coming. I'm having that fear that I've been told parents have. The one thing I know for sure is how much I love the kid who already exists, and I don't know if I have the room in my emotional spectrum to unconditionally love another human the way I love the current one. I mean, I'm sure I will. How could I not, right? How could I not love something that's a sibling to this kid?
As it stands now, I spend my time in Chicago and fielding questions from people back home about whether or not I'd ever move to NYC or LA (because they clearly know that I'm just...on top of the comedic and entertainment world here in Chicago - I mean, I DID spend thousands of dollars on this venture last year. What's that? You're supposed to make money? Oh...) to go a different route of getting into some type of performance. The answer is that I would consider it...but I can't consider it until my niece is old enough to talk to me on the phone. And now with another one coming, that's another couple of years away. And I mean this because I cannot stand the thought of being a full-day of travel away from that freaking angel.
I guess I don't really know why I'm writing this right now. I'm in some kind of mental state of excited, nervous, scared (not that I have ANYTHING to do with the difficult part of this kid's life), and really excited. I don't know if it's a boy or girl, and I don't know if I care. I thought I wanted the first one to be a boy because I've never been around a baby girl before and was intimidated by the thought...but now that I've spent the last three years obsessing over how much I love this little bundle of happiness, I can't imagine a little boy being anywhere near as fun.
Except that I know it will be. I don't know what this kid will be like, but I know that I'm going to love the little devil. Even when s/he is sitting on my lap at some point and decides that the moment we're sharing is unquestionably the perfect moment to poop. I'll laugh, probably compliment the pooping power, then half-jokingly try to hand him/her off to someone else to change the diaper (unclehood is the best). We'll sit around and stare at each other a lot before the kid learns to talk, and I'm afraid that it's not going to be as fun as it was with Allison (I wasn't gonna use her name, but screw it, you all know me, so you've heard this before). I'm only afraid because with Ally I had no idea how much fun it would get later on. But with the new one, I already know that in 6, 12, 18 months from any given point, s/he will be doing all these new things that I'll love. We'll make faces at each other, make noises, whistle, dance, do raspberries, and just generally giggle.
Sigh. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I just know that I'm pretty ecstatic to meet this little thing. And I'm gonna love that tiny little human so much that it's confusing. S/he will have no idea that I love him/her and will have no interest or concept of reciprocating it for a long time. And I'm OK with that. Because once it comes out...oh man...I'll cry. For sure. I teared up when Allison first said that she loved me. Probably won't ever forget it. I stopped in my tracks. It's hard to put me in a situation where I don't know what to say, but I couldn't' even talk.
OK. I'm gonna stop now. Unborn niece/nephew, please come soon. I'll see you the weekend of the 19th. Get ready to party.*
*You don't have to "party" per se, really just don't cry when I hold you and that's a fair trade.
This post is because my brother and sister-in-law are about to have their 2nd child. If we're friends on facebook, you've seen that my profile picture has been some incarnation of myself and their first child for the entire duration of her almost 3-year-long life. Simply, I love that child.
But there's another one coming. I'm having that fear that I've been told parents have. The one thing I know for sure is how much I love the kid who already exists, and I don't know if I have the room in my emotional spectrum to unconditionally love another human the way I love the current one. I mean, I'm sure I will. How could I not, right? How could I not love something that's a sibling to this kid?
As it stands now, I spend my time in Chicago and fielding questions from people back home about whether or not I'd ever move to NYC or LA (because they clearly know that I'm just...on top of the comedic and entertainment world here in Chicago - I mean, I DID spend thousands of dollars on this venture last year. What's that? You're supposed to make money? Oh...) to go a different route of getting into some type of performance. The answer is that I would consider it...but I can't consider it until my niece is old enough to talk to me on the phone. And now with another one coming, that's another couple of years away. And I mean this because I cannot stand the thought of being a full-day of travel away from that freaking angel.
I guess I don't really know why I'm writing this right now. I'm in some kind of mental state of excited, nervous, scared (not that I have ANYTHING to do with the difficult part of this kid's life), and really excited. I don't know if it's a boy or girl, and I don't know if I care. I thought I wanted the first one to be a boy because I've never been around a baby girl before and was intimidated by the thought...but now that I've spent the last three years obsessing over how much I love this little bundle of happiness, I can't imagine a little boy being anywhere near as fun.
Except that I know it will be. I don't know what this kid will be like, but I know that I'm going to love the little devil. Even when s/he is sitting on my lap at some point and decides that the moment we're sharing is unquestionably the perfect moment to poop. I'll laugh, probably compliment the pooping power, then half-jokingly try to hand him/her off to someone else to change the diaper (unclehood is the best). We'll sit around and stare at each other a lot before the kid learns to talk, and I'm afraid that it's not going to be as fun as it was with Allison (I wasn't gonna use her name, but screw it, you all know me, so you've heard this before). I'm only afraid because with Ally I had no idea how much fun it would get later on. But with the new one, I already know that in 6, 12, 18 months from any given point, s/he will be doing all these new things that I'll love. We'll make faces at each other, make noises, whistle, dance, do raspberries, and just generally giggle.
Sigh. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I just know that I'm pretty ecstatic to meet this little thing. And I'm gonna love that tiny little human so much that it's confusing. S/he will have no idea that I love him/her and will have no interest or concept of reciprocating it for a long time. And I'm OK with that. Because once it comes out...oh man...I'll cry. For sure. I teared up when Allison first said that she loved me. Probably won't ever forget it. I stopped in my tracks. It's hard to put me in a situation where I don't know what to say, but I couldn't' even talk.
OK. I'm gonna stop now. Unborn niece/nephew, please come soon. I'll see you the weekend of the 19th. Get ready to party.*
*You don't have to "party" per se, really just don't cry when I hold you and that's a fair trade.
Comments
Post a Comment