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Movie

Someone asked me today: if my life were made into a movie, would I watch it?

HELL YES, I WOULD.

Upon answering so emphatically, she called me out for being cocky. Here is my extended answer, including teasers, cliff-hangers, and the possible title.

I justify my arrogance by saying that if I don't believe in my product, who in the world is going to see it? The movie about me would be executive produced by me, obviously. I have the final say in what goes and what doesn't.
If my life were made into a movie, only the most important parts would make it...it would be like a 23 year highlight reel crammed into 2 hours and 12 minutes (any longer and I'm risking a major walk-out-to-pee-and-miss-the-important-stuff crowd reaction).
For the meaty part, think about all the great things this movie would have!
It would feature sports, love, friendships, hardships, heartbreaks, family bonds, and most importantly...frontal male nudity.
Name one thing from that list that doesn't appear in a movie that you love!
The trailer would be hella mysterious/emotional, too. Flashes of me in uniforms, readying for sporting events. I suppose then there should also be some action footage from said events - perhaps a scout or two approaching me, or me pitching in Jacob's Field (which I did) in front of a full-house (which is not true).
Then the next series of flashes would with me holding my head in my hands (portrayed by Taylor Lautner, of course, because he's got my butt-chin, small nose, low eyebrows, and underwhelming penis*), then I yell at someone, then I'm hugging someone as cymbals are being smacked on a drum set in appropriate volumes. During that last section the narrator totally changes tone.
After that tension we'd cut to comedy clips. A lot of these would be dialogue-driven because that's kinda my style. However, we'd also have a clip of a manly dance party in Columbus to show that we Chesterland fellas love each other.
Then I can have a shirtless scene in the trailer as I gaze out at the Atlantic Ocean (or a huge body of water, I guess) debating my future...and a female figure walks up behind me and we share a silhouette kiss. Who is it??
SEE THE MOVIE AND FIND OUT. **

Are you kidding me? That doesn't sound like a catchy-as-crap trailer?!

That girl at work asked me what I'd call it. She was expecting an answer like "The Kevin Nye Story," or "The Nye Experience," (which, btw, isn't all that bad).
My on-the-spot answer?
Born In The Dark.


....
Did you feel that? You got chills didn't you.
Coming to theaters in 2017.

*I'm just going with my instinct on that one. It has more to do with me than him.
Also, as a PS, "Born In The Dark" has no meaning whatsoever, it's just a cool sounding phrase. I'd have to make it a little more mysterious though, I think. But I'd pay people to take care of that.
Gonna be the best movie ever.
** Just because the movie is about my life doesn't mean that everything in the movie actually happened to me. See: Every true story turned major motion picture ever.

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