Skip to main content

The Naples Archaeological Musuem and Its Penis Room

When the situation calls for it, I am a mature person. I can talk comfortably about reproductive health, I can watch a movie with a sex scene and not make a joke, and I can look at nude statues and think nothing of it beyond art. Hell, my senior yearbook quote was about how maturity is just knowing when and where to be immature. I won't laugh when you fall down because you might be hurt and I absolutely do not laugh when an animal humps something because it's instinct and the animal can't help it. I believe you shouldn't laugh at something if the thing you're laughing at is helpless in the situation.

But sometimes you find your limit.

The National Archaeological Museum of Naples (abbreviated MANN in Italian) pushed me near my limit.

See, Naples is home to brilliant and interesting historical artwork. With the nearby town of Pompeii buried under the ash of Mt. Vesuvius, tons of pristine artifacts which were rescued from Pompeii ended up in MANN. Some of these pieces are hugely famous like the Alexander Mosaic, the Street Musicians Mosaic, or the Dancing Faun.

However, MANN has another feature that draws in visitors. It's called the Secret Room, and while it's not all that secret, it's...well, look.



Look just left of center in this photo. Does something catch your eye? Does it seem like a man is laying on his back, penetrating another person above him?

Your eyes are not lying. The Secret Room is a collection of erotic, graphically sexual art. It is outrageous. Some folks can't get through without laughing, some folks can. I'd like to say that I didn't so much as crack a smile and held firm to my "maturity," but take a look at some of the highlights.



That's not a 5-legged cow, that's a cow with 4 legs and 1 leg-sized penis.



These are, I don't know, penis wind-chimes? But below is the real cake-taker. It's titled "Pan copulating with goat" and that is an appropriate name.



There's a lot more in the Secret Room, but I tried to be a mature adult and not take photos of everything in there. You can read about the fascinating history of the erotic art on the wiki page, here. (A short summary: Ancient Romans viewed sexuality far differently than 1800s and 1900s Romans did. The result was that only educated men were ever allowed to view this art but it was also periodically closed up and locked away in a secret room. They pulled back the restrictions a couple of times before opening it permanently within the past 20 years.)

Naples is one of my favorite cities in all of Italy and there are about 1,000 things you could do that are worth your time. Just know that one of them involves trying not to laugh at sculptures where the focal point is a series of penises.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I Have to Write about Basketball

I have about an hour to write out my thoughts about the NBA Finals since I didn't want to at 1 a.m. and I have to be at work soon (and I'll be there for a longer-than-normal day). So here goes. 1) Everyone wants to talk about Steph Curry, and everyone should  be talking about Steph Curry. I don't get it. He's the best shooter in NBA history - although Klay Thompson is hot on his heels - and yet there's something amiss at surprising times. I don't believe in "clutch" the way a lot of people do, because if Steph doesn't hit a million threes all the time, the Warriors are never in position for him to take a game-winner in the Finals (they also don't make the Finals). All of them are worth three points, so they need the first one as much as they need the last one. But something kind of happens, doesn't it? And doesn't it affect his legacy a tiny bit? Steph shot 34.3% on three-pointers this series. Toronto was all over  him defensivel

Vienna Christmas, part 1

When I last left you, the two Koniecznys were about to arrive and we were going to do...well, something. And a week later we were all going to Vienna for Christmas to see some of my family members who live there (one of them is Norbert, who you might remember from canyoning). Carly and her mom got in on Sunday and we just kinda hung out the first day or two, but they wanted to see the sights and took off to see some nearby things and places, which is something they might tell you about if they were blogging but I don't think they are. Anyway, the real excitement started at the end of the week. Carly and her mom took an overnight train to Vienna on Thursday/Friday and Jenna and I had to wait until Saturday to go. We took a two-layover train; once in Verona to turn to the north and then a second stop in Innsbruck to switch onto an Austrian (OBB) train that would swoop through southeastern Germany en route to Vienna. It was a nearly 12 hour day of trains and, believe it or not, it

I Think I'm Afraid of Art

For a little while now I've been feeling a bit empty. Part of it is the overarching malaise of living in 2018 America. Part of it is being at a crossroads in life and not knowing which way to turn. Part of it is because it's been 90+ degrees outside for most of the past month. There's not really a great answer to all of it, but it's happening. But one of the things that I keep thinking about is how I think I'd like to start drawing. Or painting. Or something. I want to make visual art, but I'm completely terrified of it. What's more, I don't think I consider my own artistic pursuits to be "good" enough to actually pursue. I explored this idea a little bit on an Instagram post where I edited a photo, and it has kept me thinking further about this. With words, I don't have any issues with confidence, and that means I don't second-guess what I said. Even if I say something that pisses people off, I have confidence in the fact that I (