One of the best things about having a wildly popular blog is that celebrities from all walks of life find their way to it and express their gratitude for what tremendous work I'm creating. On rare occasions they even express interest about how they can get involved. Unfortunately, I don't accept guest posts from these attention-hogs - I know they're just trying to use me for publicity and that's not how it works here at LaD.
However, I'm a man of the people, and I know what the people want. With that in mind, and with the presidential race taking center stage over the last couple of months (and continuing to hold center stage for the next year), I was able to get some time on the phone with a man very familiar with presidential races: Former President of the United States of America, Billy Bob Thornton.
Me: Mr. President, thank you for taking some time out for me - I know you're a busy man.
POTUSA BBT: Well you're certainly welcome, although I feel like it's important for you to know that I'm not actually the President of the United States.
Me: Right, right, that was a full 12 years ago. I know you've done some incredible things since, like educate children as a gym teacher, coach a high school football team, and even coach youth baseball - you must really love kids.
POTUSA BBT: I guess that's true. I've always liked the idea of inspiring kids and helping them find their direction in life, but again, about being President -
Me: Inspirational indeed. Now, between you and me, can we talk about the strained relationship with England? Have we gotten over that? How responsible do you feel, personally, after such an abrupt turn from the Prime Minister of the UK? It must be said, by the way, that he looked an awful lot like Hugh Grant.
POTUSA BBT: (Laughs uneasily) You know, it was um, a tough time, I guess. I felt like we were getting along just fine with the United States as the dominant country and he um...I guess disagreed? A lot has happened since then, like you said.
Me: (nodding vigorously but later realizing I was nodding into the phone)
POTUSA BBT: And I would say that he did look like Hugh Grant because that was most definitely Hugh Grant who you saw me with.
Me: BOMBSHELL! Hugh Grant pretended to be an actor while secretly being the Prime Minister of the UK?? Incredible. I guess he really is talented then, isn't he?!
POTUSA BBT: He certainly is.
Me: Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but the standard term of presidency in the USA is four years. Is that correct?
POTUSA BBT: Yes...
Me: Terrific. It felt like you were barely in office at all. In fact, just before your most newsworthy appearance as president (one of the only ones, if we're being frank), you were galavanting in a Santa Claus outfit. Can you explain that?
POTUSA BBT: I can definitely explain that. I'm an actor named Billy Bob Thornton and I was never president of the United States of America. I have no idea why, but you keep referring to movies I've done as if they're real events - Love Actually was the one where I was president and Bad Santa was me verbally abusing people as a drunken Santa Claus character. Hugh Grant is another actor who was the PM of England in Love Actually and he has no political career at all. Hell, the most politician-like thing he ever did was get caught with a hooker. Do you have any idea what's real and what's fake?
Me: ...so Love Actually was fake?
POTUSA BBT: Yes. It was a movie. It was fake.
Me: It was a fake movie?
POTUSA BBT: No, it was a real movie, so the shit in the movie wasn't real because it was just actors pretending to be things.
Me: Wow. Can you give me a moment?
POTUSA BBT: Why the hell not.
(In lieu of "hold" music, I was courteous enough to play Norah Jones into the mouthpiece of the phone while I tried to wrap my head around what he was telling me)
Me: OK, sorry about that. I just have a lot of thinking to do.
POTUSA BBT: It's alright, I guess.
Me: Let's move on...did that time you saved the entire Earth from that asteroid let you know that you wanted to get involved in politics, Mr. President?
*strange clicking sound*
....
....
Mr. President?
We lost a connection and I was unable to really get into our former leader's opinions on the upcoming election, but I'll be damned if he didn't entertain me along the way. What a guy!
Until next time, you can take a look at some info about various presidential candidates at the following sites: http://www.vote4trump.org/ http://www.presidentcarson.org/ or http://www.jebcanfixit.org/
However, I'm a man of the people, and I know what the people want. With that in mind, and with the presidential race taking center stage over the last couple of months (and continuing to hold center stage for the next year), I was able to get some time on the phone with a man very familiar with presidential races: Former President of the United States of America, Billy Bob Thornton.
Me: Mr. President, thank you for taking some time out for me - I know you're a busy man.
POTUSA BBT: Well you're certainly welcome, although I feel like it's important for you to know that I'm not actually the President of the United States.
Me: Right, right, that was a full 12 years ago. I know you've done some incredible things since, like educate children as a gym teacher, coach a high school football team, and even coach youth baseball - you must really love kids.
POTUSA BBT: I guess that's true. I've always liked the idea of inspiring kids and helping them find their direction in life, but again, about being President -
Me: Inspirational indeed. Now, between you and me, can we talk about the strained relationship with England? Have we gotten over that? How responsible do you feel, personally, after such an abrupt turn from the Prime Minister of the UK? It must be said, by the way, that he looked an awful lot like Hugh Grant.
POTUSA BBT: (Laughs uneasily) You know, it was um, a tough time, I guess. I felt like we were getting along just fine with the United States as the dominant country and he um...I guess disagreed? A lot has happened since then, like you said.
Me: (nodding vigorously but later realizing I was nodding into the phone)
POTUSA BBT: And I would say that he did look like Hugh Grant because that was most definitely Hugh Grant who you saw me with.
Me: BOMBSHELL! Hugh Grant pretended to be an actor while secretly being the Prime Minister of the UK?? Incredible. I guess he really is talented then, isn't he?!
POTUSA BBT: He certainly is.
Me: Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but the standard term of presidency in the USA is four years. Is that correct?
POTUSA BBT: Yes...
Me: Terrific. It felt like you were barely in office at all. In fact, just before your most newsworthy appearance as president (one of the only ones, if we're being frank), you were galavanting in a Santa Claus outfit. Can you explain that?
POTUSA BBT: I can definitely explain that. I'm an actor named Billy Bob Thornton and I was never president of the United States of America. I have no idea why, but you keep referring to movies I've done as if they're real events - Love Actually was the one where I was president and Bad Santa was me verbally abusing people as a drunken Santa Claus character. Hugh Grant is another actor who was the PM of England in Love Actually and he has no political career at all. Hell, the most politician-like thing he ever did was get caught with a hooker. Do you have any idea what's real and what's fake?
Me: ...so Love Actually was fake?
POTUSA BBT: Yes. It was a movie. It was fake.
Me: It was a fake movie?
POTUSA BBT: No, it was a real movie, so the shit in the movie wasn't real because it was just actors pretending to be things.
Me: Wow. Can you give me a moment?
POTUSA BBT: Why the hell not.
(In lieu of "hold" music, I was courteous enough to play Norah Jones into the mouthpiece of the phone while I tried to wrap my head around what he was telling me)
Me: OK, sorry about that. I just have a lot of thinking to do.
POTUSA BBT: It's alright, I guess.
Me: Let's move on...did that time you saved the entire Earth from that asteroid let you know that you wanted to get involved in politics, Mr. President?
*strange clicking sound*
....
....
Mr. President?
We lost a connection and I was unable to really get into our former leader's opinions on the upcoming election, but I'll be damned if he didn't entertain me along the way. What a guy!
Until next time, you can take a look at some info about various presidential candidates at the following sites: http://www.vote4trump.org/ http://www.presidentcarson.org/ or http://www.jebcanfixit.org/
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